Dear Fellow Travelers,
What seems to be up for many of you at this time, is the dynamics in relationships. I’m not talking just about romantic relationships, but also those with parents and children, with friends, or maybe an employer or an employee. Anyone with whom we have a regular exchange of energy, may be my teacher or my student and sometimes both. Nowhere else do we have such an opportunity for growth and empowerment as we do in relationships.
Many of us give up our power in relationships. There are lots of ways that we can do this. One of the easiest is :
EXPECT OTHERS TO BE PSYCHIC
We expect those around us to know what we want or need. This happens a lot in close relationships, but it can happen with co-workers as well. I was a single mother and I used to believe that my children should see what needed to be done around the house. I thought if they loved me, they would notice what needed to be done and do it; so I wouldn’t have to. I began to equate their performance with how much they loved and appreciated me. I’ll never forget when my sensible Joanna said “Mom, why don’t you just tell us what you need?”
EQUATING ATTITUDE WITH LOVE
If we want someone to do something for us, we feel they should want to do that task with a cheerful heart … if they love us. Here is an example. “Will you stop at the grocery store on your way home and pick up a few things?” The one we love does pick up things, but not without grumbling about rush hour traffic and how much they hate going to the grocery store. They do the task, but we start to feel unloved because we do that task all the time and never grumble … even though we may feel like it. This particular task can escalate if the person we ask forgets one of the items. It often boils down to – ‘if you loved and appreciated me, you would have remembered and done it cheerfully’.
TO INSIST THAT OUR HAPPINESS IN THE RELATIONSHIP DEPENDS ON THE BEHAVIOR OF THE OTHER.
We are looking for a certain and often specific response from the other person. We believe that this response will determine our level of happiness. Talk about a way to give up your power! Unfortunately, when we chose this response, we often chose someone who is incapable of giving us the response that we seek. Why isn’t my partner more romantic, especially when I feel romantic? Where are the little surprises?
This is such a complex subject which we all struggle with, to one degree or another. There has been much written about it, and it’s something which I have been considering writing about myself. So much of my work is taken up with providing guidance, where I see that so many situations are unique, and yet have a common underlying premise at one and the same time. In this respect, I would like to put my wisdom and experience into something which would be available wherever there might be a need to have something close at hand. My many years of counselling have really opened my eyes to so many things. In my own circumstances, I have learned how to recognize when others were saying ‘I love you’ in their own way, and I have also learned to recognize what they needed from me. This, in part, is why I am able to help my clients so effectively.
This can be done in all relationships and it is the one thing that undermines the flow of love energy more than any other. If you are asking yourself ‘why you don’t have love in your life’, you might want to check and see if there is any score keeping going on. I have clients who can tell me every wonderful thing that they have done for everyone, and whether or not that person ever responded in a similar manner. And, if they were ever treated in a negative way by anyone … they can give me chapter and verse on this subject.
My question to them invariably is – ‘How does this help?’ All it does is reinforce your belief that you are not loved.
I’m not talking about mean people here. I’m talking about really nice people who have had some difficult times in life and have become vigilant in their dealings with another or others, and often have come to anticipate the worst; even before it happens.
I believe that the latest statistics are that seventy six percent of us have come out of families with some kind of disfunction. The rest are very lucky, but seventy six percent is a lot! So, it’s not surprising that many have had things to overcome in their lives.
Some of you grew up where love was based on performance, and what you did was never quite enough. So, you don’t see how wonderful you are, just because you are you. You may have missed out on Mr. Rogers saying, “There is only one of you and you are the best you that you can be. I like you just the way you are.”
Love draws love. Practice loving unconditionally, no matter what the response is. As you become the embodiment of love, love will return to you in more ways than you can possibly count. I would not tell you anything that I have not experienced myself as the truth. I’m very lucky. I have opportunities every day to give love to my clients. I may not hear from them from session to session, even though some of them have been clients for over twenty years.
I love my profession. It gives me the opportunity to express healing love. But more important, to help you all to be gentle with yourself. Because each of you is unique, and each of you try very hard to do the best thing.
I have been speaking with clients since I was twenty two, and I will be seventy five next April. In all of that time, I have never met anyone who was truly a bad person. The best part of my work is to love you through the rough times, and to facilitate you to see yourself as I see you.
You are truly unique beings and there is only one person in this world who has grown up with your experience and who has your talents. You are your gift to this world. What you do with that gift blesses all of us. Like Fred Rogers, I love you just the way you are, and the love that I have experienced in return from the Universe has been mind blowing. I do not teach what I have not experienced personally. If you can learn to love without keeping score, miracles will happen.
If you feel that you could use some help in dealing with any kind of issues that may be coming up for you then please get in touch. If I can help you on your spiritual journey in any way, I am available to you in phone consults 30 or 60 min on 828-252-7573. Or if you prefer you can contact me by email at email@example.com
If you would just like to comment on this blog then firstname.lastname@example.org is the best way.
With much love and light as always
You may also find my book, ‘Find the Force, Be the Light’ helpful in guiding you through these times of transition and harnessing the power of prayer to manifest changes in your life.
This is available in both hardcover and e-book versions on Amazon Click Here to go straight to Amazon. The e-book is also available for purchase through Barnes and Noble, Apple iBooks and Kobo plus many other popular e-book outlets.
Please be sure to check out my newly updated website MaryPompeo.com where my book is listed.